Understanding Necessity
by Figgy
Summary: Sometimes what is right is also the necessary thing to do... And sometimes, what's necessary... isn't really right or fair---A visit in the night causes Relena to question a decision made years ago.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, will never own Gundam Wing--and I really don't want to own GW--I get the feeling it wouldn't be nearly as good if I did... (And why do ppl mind writing these so much? They really aren't THAT annoying...)_   
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_A/N: Note to ppl waiting for D&M at bottom.___

_And now, about this piece of...whatever this is... I needed something kinda dark and angsty after an incident (which is explained at the end) and this came out and now... Well, I'm sorta of becoming fond of it---Its very strange, the wording is rough--and the thought lines are...just---blah... There's a split in the telling too---meaning its usually told third person, but at one point it breaks into first person--Could be confusing, but truthfully--its supposed to be like that.___

_This is not part of stories I have already posted--though it could very well become a story arc--If anything, this isn't really a beginning of the "series" but somewhere in the middle--You might be able to tell and might not be able too. Who knows, I wrote this in what---A total of 112 minutes---___

_And I am VERY Pro-Relena, be warned---I despise how she is bashed and pushed aside like rubbish--She's a strong character, an opinionated character that deserves more than to be the punching bag of many fics out there. (And I'm not anti-yaoi, I actually like yaoi and straight and yuri and no pairing fics--I just can't stand how she---okokokkok, so not gonna get into that--Just be warned, that I am PRO-Rellie, so there will be no bashing of her in this fic)_   
_ *I'm Pro-Dorothy, too--she's not in here, just thought ya might wanna know *^_____^*_**__**

**_Understanding Necessity_**

  
  


To say she was surprised to see him would've been the understatement of the century. The almost musical sound of glass breaking was followed by shock playing across her usually composed features, the once beautiful and expensive vase now merely shattered pieces near her bare feet. Perhaps any other day and she would have kept her calm, merely smiled that small wise smile… But hours of debates and stubborn politicians and visits to three colonies in a matter of mere hours had taken a toll on her.   
And she still had so much work to do.   
Too much work for her to be distracted by him.   
No matter what her girlish counterpart was screeching within the confines of her mind…and heart. 

* 

"Heero… No one told me," she blinked, shaking her head with a sort of self-mockery, "Of course, no one told me…"She took a step toward the silent man, his eyes still so dark and intense… Other than the usual accompaniments that age brought, he remained much like the youth of her past… The fallen prince that had captured her interest so long ago.   
The prince that moved like liquid steel, seeming to appear beside her, lifting her with ease as if she weighed no more than the gun he so faithfully carried everywhere. She could still remember the cold press of that gun's barrel against her skin, remember the caged emotions that had flickered beneath his gaze as he'd held the gun against her flesh… She could remember a time when being carried in such a manner would've made her knees weak and sent her heart flying.   
Now, Heero found himself dealing with a woman whose long legs were very good at kicking and twisting. "Heero! Put me down!" Her feet, perfectly manicured, connected a few times but he made no indication of being hit… Which wasn't much of a surprise… He had survived the detonation of a Gundam, it was highly unlikely that a pacifist's feet would hurt him.   
Her protests, as such, were ignored till he gently placed her on the four-poster bed adorning the room. It really couldn't be labeled her bed or her bedroom since she so rarely used the secluded mansion… She'd inherited it from her mother's side, using it only when travels brought her to this side of the world.   
"The glass." It was the first time he'd spoken since she'd walked into the room and her head jerked toward the noise, that small part of her drinking in the words, locking the voice and tone away in a dark, secret place… "You aren't wearing shoes." He almost seemed to be scolding her and Relena's temper flared…   
Her voice was even though; "Well, I thank you for your concern, Heero. Now, please explain why you broke into my room. I have no hurt ankle this time… And you obviously have no need of Duo." Eyes that even after all this time were still soft and gentle met his hard gaze with unnerving strength. "Why are you here, Heero?"   
He stepped away, watching her, and Relena could see something flicker through those dark eyes. Could the Perfect Soldier be uneasy, uncertain?   
"I do not know."   
There was silence… A silence that a long time ago, she might have tried to fill… But things had changed, she had changed. Perhaps it was time he realized that…   
Perhaps it was time she realized it. 

* 

"Why are you here, Heero?" Her voice was soft now, a hint of the young girl he'd met so long ago… But it was a woman that watched him, that formed the words, thought the words, controlled the thoughts… It was a girl he'd saved so long ago just for the chance that such a woman would arise… Arise and save the world… Make it better, make it safe…   
For people like him… And from people like him.   
She had fulfilled everything he had wanted from her… So why was he here? Why…   
"To see you. To understand…"   
Relena blinked… She hadn't actually expected an answer… But she wasn't going to pass up the chance to speak with the usually elusive Yuy… Perhaps, he might help her understand a few things as well. "To understand what?"   
He was standing before her, all straight lines and fluid movement. An animal too wild to ever be caged, but too tame to ever live fully free. Would a man as wild and beautiful as him ever be able to live among mere humans? Would he ever be able to settle without the need of battle and war and death?   
Would any of them ever be able to live such a life?   
Her thoughts turned treacherously to another man who rested within this very house… Perhaps only a few feet away… The God of Death slept beneath her roof… How different was he from Heero? Was he stronger to hide his bitterness and sorrow behind a smiling mask… Or would he one day break.   
Such questions had been brought to the surface before and she knew Duo believed he had the answers… Just as she had sought hers so long ago. And she thought they knew the answers… But were they deluding themselves or were they merely the only sane ones left?   
"Did I do the right thing?"   
Heero's voice dragged her away from dark thoughts, thoughts she had believed long gone… Perhaps she would never be free of this uncertainty—perhaps that made her human… Made Heero human…   
"The right thing? I don't understand, Heero."   
His eyes seemed to bore into hers then suddenly he was looking away… He looked everywhere, but at her. "Did I do the right thing… For you…"   
Another silence, except it was marred by the deep breaths Relena was forcing herself to take. Of all things she could've expected… This had never even crossed her mind.   
Her mouth formed words that the emotional part of her could barely decipher, but the diplomat within had to speak. Had to know. Had to remain calm… "I'm not sure I understand, Heero. What do you mean? What have you done to me?"   
He was tense, his eyes darting to her face… There had always been something philosophical about Heero, as much as he'd clung to his image of the perfect emotionless soldier he'd never been able to quite act the part. There was always a question, always a hesitance, always a heart and mind…   
He could've done something truly wonderful with his life if Dr. J hadn't found him…   
That tone, that intelligence, seeped into his words now, weighing them down. "We fought. I fought. You fought. But when the war ended… It was you that had to continue fighting. I left. I left you to this. Was it the right thing?"   
Was it the right thing? Relena stared at him, her face revealing none of the confusion and wild thoughts that spiraled through her mind. Was it the right thing? Of course… Of course… That was what he needed to hear, wanted to hear. She had been Queen of the World, by then her pacifistic views were widely known by the most influential and involved leaders. She had been the wisest choice, the voice the world and colonies had needed. Someone pure and innocent, whose idealistic views helped heal the wounds the war had created.   
It had been the necessary choice.   
But had it been right?   
Had it been fair?   
She had been so young…   
"I…" Her mouth opened once then closed, unable to form the words he needed so desperately to hear… He had to be desperate to have actually come here… She had to comfort him, tell him it was ok… Tell him it was all right because he'd fought so hard, so much… It had been okay for him to lay the burden of peace on her shoulders. She had been happy to take that burden. Pleased to help.   
At first.   
Because one month of helping, of carrying the cross, turned into two then three and then a year… And then another year and another till they passed by in an endless parade of seasons that she barely even noticed… While he did what? Wandered the world and space… Healed himself…   
What was she thinking? Of course, it had been right! Heero couldn't have possibly taken the responsibility she now held. He had been brought up in a world of violence and death. It was time that he rested and tried to reclaim the humanity he thought he'd lost. He needed to heal.   
But…   
Didn't she have a right to heal? Hadn't she lost friends and family? Her life had been torn apart and turned upside down. Her father killed before her very eyes and then her mother… Just faded away into nothing until she also died… Her friends not really friends at all, but cowards and social climbers… Or a few that were just too young to understand… She had seen men and women die, had found a brother only to wish him dead and then actually think him dead… And when the war ended… When had she been allowed any time to sit down and cry? To rest… To heal…   
Never any time because there was so much to do. It took so much effort to hold peace together…   
"You…"   
But… Peace was still here… It had been four years since the last war and peace still resided within the colonies and earth. So, obviously she was doing something right… Which meant, his choice had been right… The right choice. The right decision. The necessary thing…   
He needed it to be the right thing.   
God… She just wanted a few seconds to cry, to scream. Would he never allow her to heal? Or would he always just appear in her life, tear another hole into the heart she'd just nearly healed… It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.   
She had been so young, too young to take on the duties he had left for her… He and the others, but mostly him… Because he knew, he had to know she would do anything for him… That this had started because she had loved him…   
Dermail had placed a crown on her head.   
Heero had weighed it down with chains.   
It wasn't fair.   
It wasn't right.   
But it had been necessary.   
A necessity for him to continue his own life, own healing.   
Not right, but necessary…   
Wasn't it the same thing?   
Her lips curled into a sweet, serene smile as she looked up into eyes too deep, too dark. "I am very happy, Heero. I love my life and my job and I love the peace you helped fight for. Of course you did the right thing." She stood, nearly beaming up at him, one hand lightly touching his arm. "You did the right thing, Heero."   
But he hadn't…   
And they weren't the same…   
But to keep him sane, to help him heal, he has to believe it was the right thing… I had to say it was the right thing… Because that is the role he created for me so long ago.   
"Relena…" The look is softer then he's just gone… Out the window and disappearing into the night…   
I loved him. I love him…   
And I hate him, too.   
  


_A/N: Okokokok--For people waiting for Dawn and Moon Wars... Let's just say Figgy isn't a very happy chica--I had it written, had it nice and ready for a bit of editing (I don't have a beta, so everything has to be looked over at least twenty times before I'm happy) --And I decided, ok, I'll get me a nice cup of coke... Only to be halfway through the kitchen when the BLOODY POWER GOES OUT!!!! And being the utterly stupid person I can be, I hadn't saved anything...Power goes out, computer shuts down, story isn't recovered because its a piece of crap comp..._   
_ Anywho, I was mad... But I've gotten over it--my own idiocy-- and I did have the rough drafts on paper, so I am rewriting it (Honestly, it sounds better now than it did then) so it will be out, eventually..._   
  



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